Welcome And Parent Weekend Setup

James Guttman 0:51

Hipod, it's James Gutman. It is HiPodom Dad. Welcome, whether you found me on the streaming service, HiPodom Dad.com, Hiblogomdad.com, any of the dot coms. I'm there. I appreciate you checking it out. It has been um a good week, but a long week, man. We we went now. If you if you do go to highblogomdad.com every Monday, you see that I write about kind of our lives. And on Monday, I wrote about visiting my daughter away at college with Lucas.

Car Trouble And A New Calm

James Guttman 1:20

I brought Lucas out there. Um, Olivia's mom was there too. It was parent weekend. We came out there uh for about two days, drove down, and it was uh it was a trip. Had some car issues, right? And one of the things with the car issues is that it should have been, and I mean, it was incredibly stressful. Uh to the point where I don't know if you guys know, but like one of how would you guys know, one of my nightmares that I have is being stranded. I've always had this weird kind of nightmare. And it's not like a recurring nightmare in that it's the same thing over and over again, but it's the same theme. Whether I'm trying to get into a building or I'm trying to get to a town, or whether I'm trying to, you know, get to the top, you know, floor of a hotel, there's always something stopping me. How do I get there? How do I get there? So to be hours away with my my Jeep and having to at one point replace the entire battery, and I said, How the hell am I going to drive this thing home? And I did. And it should have been stressful. But guess what? There was not a moment to freak out. I didn't freak out once. And it's weird to say because now it's just become how things are. But for years and years and years in my life, prior to my heart surgery, uh, my old life, back when there were people around me uh that would stoke these issues, I would probably get really upset. But after my surgery, and I always said that, you know, I spent 35 years worrying about things that never happened. And meanwhile, the thing that almost killed me, this quintuple bypass, this heart issue, was something I didn't even know existed in my body. So it made me feel silly. And I tried to stop that. And for years, even after my surgery, I had people in my life that would, you know, without getting into detail, you have toxic people who yell and scream and freak out, and they will convince you that you are the one yelling and screaming and freaking out. And then once you cut those people out of your life and you see how long you've gone without raising your voice, you go, wow, you know what? It's not me. But still, little voice in the back of my head was like, But maybe, maybe it's you. Maybe you argue, maybe you fight, maybe you get upset, maybe you don't hold your stuff together. And then this happened over the weekend. My biggest nightmare happened. And as it's happening, I'm just sitting there, kind of dealing with it, playing gardenscapes on my phone, waiting for the roadside assistance guy to come. And I'm like, you know what? I guess I'm good. And I am good. And a big part of this too is Lucas, right? So if you read my blog on Monday, it was about when we left, how you know Lucas showed Olivia that he missed her. It was called My Non, My Daughter Did Not Know If Her Nonverbal Brother Missed Her, and then he showed her. That was the long-winded title of the blog. But if you read the blog at the end of it, I tell Olivia right before you know this event happened that I was going to write about traveling with Lucas and how easy it is to travel with him sometimes and how people assume he's the hardest part. But I didn't. I wrote about something else, which we'll get to in a minute. But the whole point was that even during these stressful moments, even during, you know, really uncomfortable times, at one point the car was overheating and we had to drive for a while with the heat at full black. Lucas is cool. Just sitting in the backseat quietly. There were times where I forgot he was in the car. And I'm like, wow, dude, my son is fantastic. And Lucas is fantastic. And I think it comes down to even my mentality of being positive and staying positive. If you focus on the difficulties, right? If you exaggerate

Why Positivity Changes The Trip

James Guttman 4:50

how hard it is, it's going to be hard. Does Lucas ask for snacks all the time? Yeah. So we'll be in the car, he'll want a treat, he'll tap me on the shoulder, tap me on the shoulder. I give it to him a lot of the time, but not every time. But I don't freak out when I don't give it to him. And I know people who go nut. Oh my God, this kid always wants to eat. Will you stop eating? What are you doing? Oh my god. It's like, dude, just chill out. Don't give him food. Make him wait. And he'll wait. And Lucas is understanding. Um, so I think that's what it comes down to. It comes down to not the issues that are springing up around you. Being positive doesn't mean that negative things don't happen. Loving my son and acknowledging how easy he is sometimes to deal with doesn't mean that he's always easy to deal with. I mean, we shared a hotel room. And like a fool, I got one bed because I forget that he's gigantic. I keep thinking he's three years old sometimes when I do these things. And Lucas does not, he's not fun to sleep alongside of. I've had friends like that. They're like, Do you do you lay with him before bed sometimes? I'm like, no, I do not. Why? Because he will headbutt you on accident. He does. He's like all over the place. I've never seen this little breakdancing sleeper kid in my life. And he's like a rock, right? He'll he'll sleep in the weirdest ways. He'll pose like double bicep like Hulk Hogan, lean on his fist, and just block everything out. And if you try to move him, he is a statue. He will not move. But still, all that aside, by and large, traveling and being with my son is fantastic. He's a great kid, and I'm proud of him. And I wanted to tell everybody about that and write about it, how easy it is to travel. But also, don't get me wrong, too, because a lot of times I write these blogs and I get feedback from people who completely miss the point. You know, well, that's your son. It's not my son. Yeah, no kidding. I don't know your son. How why would I write about your son? These blog posts are about my kid. It might be something you could relate to, it might not be something you could relate to. If you don't, maybe you like the story, maybe you like how it's written, whatever it is. Maybe you could take something from it or not take something from it. I'm just telling you about my life. I'm not giving you an instruction manual. I've never done that. I've never insisted that I know all about autism and how to do it. I'm not an expert in autism. I'm an expert in my son. And even that I'm still learning as we go. So I'll never be one of those people who gives you, you know, you have to do this, or like, I don't know who needs to hear this. I don't know who needs to hear this, but I got nothing to tell you. I'll just tell you about my life. But let me tell you about the blog post because that to me was the moment that I don't know. I mean, it just made the entire trip. Um I I loved it. When we first got there, Olivia came over and she tore open the back door first. And she grabbed him and she hugged him. I have the picture in the blog. And it was so sweet because I had written about the fact that for a long time I didn't know if Lucas missed me. Especially when I got first got divorced. I didn't know if he knew that I wasn't there in the days I wasn't there. Um, he didn't run up to me with his arms out. It was always this stoic. Um, I refer to it as a hostage expression on his face where he's just like, like, I just want to be there. I'm like, dude, I missed you. And he's like, I'm like, don't do that. Um and what happened is through the years, I started to know. And even now, like I'll get him on a Wednesday,

The Museum Goodbye That Changed Everything

James Guttman 8:05

he has transition issues, so sometimes it'll be difficult getting off the bus. But then within a few minutes, he'll tap me on the shoulder, I turn around, he's smiling at me, or he's grinning, or I don't know. That just makes me happy. And I know I'm like, this kid misses me, I get it. But being his person, as they say, like I'm Lucas's guide, I'm I consider myself the person who's closest to him in the world. I find myself narrating for a lot of people what his emotions are towards them. And I've done that with Olivia. Your brother loves you. Look, look, he loves you. Look at you love, give Olivia a kid. All that. I've done that for years and years and years. And I know that he loves her, and I know that he misses her. But I also know that it might be hard for her to see that and understand that. And I've written in the book, I have a thing about buying her um a bracelet from him as an apology. He had opened a door into her head once. It was a whole thing. So we're there, we're we're spending the weekend with him, and it's great. We're having fun, we're going to dinner, we're going to places, and we go to a museum. And as we're at the museum, it's the last day. Lucas is falling asleep as we walk. And it was so sad. So I'm like, listen, we gotta go. We're gonna leave now. We have a long drive ahead of us. And I had we all say goodbye. You know, he he hugs his sister. Um, I give her a kiss on the head. I'm like, all right come on, Lucas, let's go. Because now my daughter is gonna go with her mom, who's staying, and they're gonna go to her car, which is on the north side of the museum, and we're parked on the south side. And we go to leave, and Lucas won't go. He he does this thing where he plants his feet into the ground. I'm like, buddy, come on. I know you're tired. Come on, let's go eat, we'll get some food, won't move. I'm like, buddy, do you want your iPad? That's always like the go-to. Want your iPad? I'm doing like the thumb into the palm of my hand, which is our symbol for iPad. I'm like, come on, buddy. And I take his hand. And he did the thing that he's done a million times to me, where he takes my hand and he throws it away like a piece of garbage. It is it is the most dismissive move you'll ever see in your life. And I'm like, what? And he's looking at Olivia, and I'm like, can you come with us? I think he wants you to walk with him. And she looks at him and she takes his hand, and he just started walking with her towards our car. And this was a I mean it was a moment, it was a major moment. Um I was so proud of him, but I could see it in her face that she saw, like, oh my god, yeah. He he you know, he missed me, he loves me. My dad doesn't have to explain it, nobody has to make sense of it. It just is. I I know it. Anybody knows it if they see this. And um I don't know, man. It was the it was the crowning moment of the trip. Um and it I mean it's something I'll cherish. And the pictures that I got from this trip of the two of them together are adorable. Um, I put it on on the blog, I shared them on social media. Hi, James Gutman, blah blah blah, social media. And um it was a full circle moment. And I think any parent with a nonverbal child or a child with uh profound autism or you know, severe special needs, whatever you want to call it, knows how important it is to get a moment like this, and we did. Um and I loved it and I was happy, and I'm proud of him, and I am so proud of her for all she's doing away at school. I loved getting to see her. And despite all the car issues, despite all the insanity, I didn't get to the hotel, we have so many issues. The lack of sleep, the money spent on the new battery and the roadside, all this stuff that went down, all this craziness, I will always remember this trip for that. Um it eclipses everything. And what's funny is, and this is why I'm so happy and I'm so proud of me and how far I've come and the way I view the world too, is that there would have been a time where the main story from this trip would have been the awful, you know, hotel and and car issues and all that stuff. Um, but it's not. And it was after my surgery that I first came up with, I like to sometimes come up with like little sound bites that explain what I'm thinking. And I always said if you went to a restaurant and you were served the best pasta you've ever eaten in your life by the worst waiter you've ever had, which part of the story do you lead with? I lead with the pasta, I lead with the good parts. And this was a major good part of a pretty wonderful visit with my favorite people in the world. So I'm lucky, and I'm lucky I get to share that with you guys. I'm lucky that I've been doing high pot on

Lead With The Pasta And Wrap-Up

James Guttman 12:40

Dan for seven years as of this week. So thank you guys for being a part of that. Um just getting a chance to not only live the life that I'm living, but share it with so many of you, get your feedback, uh know that I'm helping some people get through some of the most difficult parts of raising a child like my son, uh, and letting them know that there are great moments ahead. We just had one this weekend, and there's plenty more to come from them and from me, and I thank you. Thank you for seven years to seven more, and then seven after that, and seven after that. We're killing it. And that does it for me, guys. Join me again. Social media, hi James Gutman. I have we have videos on TikTok and pictures and la la la. Hiblogomdad.com. Every single Monday, brand new blogs that's been going on since 2017. We're about to hit 10 years in February, and again, seven years. Hipodomad.com. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell anyone who listened to check it out. Buy the book, highworld om dad. Tons of things. Until then, James Gutman saying, be well.