Graduation Season And Reflection

James Guttman 0:00

Good morning. Welcome, HiPod, I'm Dad. Folks, James Guttman. Hi Pod I'm Dad. Welcome once again to the podcast. It is mid-June. It is 2026. It is warm outside. And wherever you found me, any streaming service, thank you. Um I'm getting older by the day, in case you haven't heard, in case no one told you. My daughter is now about a week away from graduating from high school. Uh, she's an adult technically, she's 18. She's doing things that are adult-like in terms of her interactions with me. You know, you kind of cross that bridge where they go from being little and they become teenagers and they're kind of jerks, and then they climb out of that, and she's uh full circle. She's I love that kid so much. So one of the reasons why I bring that up, and we'll talk more about in a few weeks coming, is that initially when I first began Hiblogondad.com, it was mostly about her, right? I

Early Autism Parenting And Isolation

James Guttman 0:57

have two kids. I have Lucas, he's my son, Olivia is my daughter. At the time, Lucas was five, Olivia was like eight. And I couldn't answer a lot of questions about Lucas. That was always my concern. I didn't know what to say. People would ask me things, and I'm like, oh, I don't know. And that to me was one of the reasons I didn't take him out a lot or didn't bring him around people, because we all know that, you know, new parents to a nonverbal child, a child on the spectrum, they tend to isolate themselves. And the assumption I think people make is that we're embarrassed or, you know, uh worried about something. And don't get me wrong, I didn't want people, you know, looking at him or giving us a hard time. I was gonna fight everybody. I didn't want to fight people in my, you know, was like 30s. Uh it just felt silly. But that's not why I didn't take him out. I didn't take him out because I couldn't answer the questions people asked. And people want to know everything, right? And I'm not talking about questions about his autism. I mean questions like, you know, does he like school? Does he have friends? Does he like Elma? Like, does he know people and they would ask you everything, especially once he started getting older and the delays and the deficits were becoming more pronounced. People would like, does he know it's his birthday? What a question. I don't, why would you ask me that? It would blow me away. It would just be that, I don't know. And it was almost like a reminder of the things that I didn't know about my son. And that's why early on the blog, I mean, he I brought him up and I talked about things with him, but a lot of the focus was on her because I understood her. And as he's gotten older, I've learned about him. And the beauty of it, and this is what I want you guys to understand too, is that you've done it with me. It has happened in the years since this blog began in February of 2017. I have learned about how autism affects my son. I've learned ways to communicate with somebody who has no verbal language. Things that I thought were impossible. We do. And on Monday, I wrote

A Song Line And The Power

James Guttman 2:59

about it. I wrote, The boy who taught a writer that words aren't everything. And this is so true. And it's one of these things. I go through these ideas in my head for blog topics as I'm driving around, I'll notice something or whatever. And one of the things that I noticed there's a song. Um, I love Ellie, Ellie Goulding. I'm gonna mispronounce her name on people, like, oh yeah, you really love her. Ellie Goulding, Ellie Golding, I don't know. I see it written down, I don't really hear it said a lot. She's great songs, she has great music every time it comes out. She has a new song out called Black Prodress, right? Now, this song is about a toxic relationship. It's about someone who is really hurtful, and I had that in my life, right? It was you know, after my marriage, you know, and I had that. I had somebody who was um pointed with their language and hurtful and all that stuff. It happened, everyone goes through things in their life. And I've had other people in my life who are like that too, like you know, growing up or whatnot. Anyway, this song connected to me because it was about that. And one of the lines that she has in the song is only you could call me trashy in my black Prada dress. And I love this line. And I don't wear a black Prada dress. I this doesn't relate to me directly at all. But the thought of it and the knowledge of like what that means, like somebody who would do that, somebody who would be so uh purposely hurtful to call someone that when they're dressed in a way that doesn't denote that, you know what I'm saying? And because I've never worn a black powder dress, or I could still relate to that line. And I was I thought about it over and over again. What great writing the song has, you know, and I like that. I like I like the poetry sometimes and how we use our words. And I'm kind of, I don't know, wordophile? How do you put it? I like when things are are spaced a certain way. I like when the way it's said is rhythmic, right? And these are things that I notice in writing, I notice in speech. I sometimes do it myself. I mean, sometimes I often do it myself, but I do it almost subconsciously half the time. I mean, when I was younger, I would try to be like, oh, that sounds good. I would do debate and make speeches and things like that. But in everyday language, I have respect when people do that, when there's a a pun or some sort of play on words, or you know, even Eminem. Like I used to love Eminem back in the day because he would find ways to have his songs written that if you go back afterwards, you would notice things you didn't catch, you know. Uh based. At one point he said, like most of my anger is based. And uh he was talking about a turkey at the same time. So it's two ways of saying based, things like that I get all crazy about. I can go on for a year about my love of language and words and the dorky videos I watch on YouTube. How do the letters get their shape? It's crazy stuff. And to me, words were everything.

When Words Stop Being The Measure

James Guttman 5:44

Um and then my son came along. And Lucas has no verbal language at all. There hasn't been a first word. The closest we ever came, and I went back, I watched old videos when he was like toddling, he said, uh-oh, like that, he would do it. But again, now looking back, it's a vocal vocal stem. He does. He makes sounds and he makes noises with his mouth, but he doesn't speak, he doesn't talk. And to me, that was a death knell when he was little. I couldn't fathom it. I'm like, I can't have a relationship with this kid. He's not gonna love me, he's not gonna know me, he's not gonna understand me, I'm not gonna understand him. I mean, I loved him. He looked like me, looks like my ex-wife. Like, he was my family, it was my world. But there was a door that was closed between us, and I felt it all the time. And it took years to really understand language is not about what you say, language is about what you understand, language is about what you can communicate and how you communicate. Lucas and I have so many ways to communicate with each other, whether it's a uh hand motion, I do it now, and it's helpful too. Like if I see him, I'm like, You want to eat? And I'll just put my hand to my mouth like that, two fingers together, double tap my lips, he gets it. I'll look over, yeah, and tap my lips. Um it's I'm sitting here thinking now, right? Like he's not, he's at school now. So I'm like, I'm recording this and I'm thinking about him, and it makes me smile in such a way I can't even explain it to you guys because he I never expected to have any sort of relationship with him when he was a baby. Um, I thought if I did, it would have had to be all these breakthroughs. He would have to have words, he'd have to do all these things, and he hasn't done any of that. And yet we not only have a relationship, but we have an amazing relationship. Like I love being with this kid. I genuinely look forward to seeing my son when I see him. He comes back on Wednesdays, I post it on my social media, follow me everywhere, hi James Gutman. And uh I do it's called Reunion Wednesday, and I'll post a picture of me and him together, and he's smiling. There's a reason why I post pictures of my son and I together. There's a reason why I show us smiling, there's a reason why I show us happy as a family. I want people to know that a lack of verbal language does not end your chances for a relationship. If anything, it opens up new doors, new understanding, and shows you that love is not about what you say, it's about what you understand, it's about what you communicate, and it's about how you feel.

How We Communicate And Connect

James Guttman 8:28

That's it. And you get so caught up in social norms and what you believe you should be doing when your kids are little that you don't realize that everything evolves. And we have evolved to this point now where we share humor, there's jokes. I make him laugh all the time, and not even just with tickles. There was a while where I had to tickle on and he would laugh. But I don't know, I've made him laugh with what songs I've sung and things I've done. I just get it. I get him. You know, you ever get somebody? You have a friend, you look across the room, you just kind of make a face, they make it back, you laugh. What is that about? What does that mean? Somebody else goes, What do you what are you doing? I don't know, just doing it. He gets it, I get it. That's me and him. I get it, he gets it. And I want everyone to know this. I think this is there's a reason why this is my passion, and there's a reason why this is my life's work. I remember the fear that I had when he was tiny. And I look at my life now and I realize how misplaced that was and how great it ended up being. And I think to myself, I wish everybody knew this. And I want anybody who's currently going through that worry to know that it gets better. It genuinely gets better. Is it gonna be like my life? I don't know. I don't know if you're gonna have the same life I have. I I have my own life. It might not be perfect, but it gets better. Those initial days were so scary and so dark and so confusing. It just takes time. It takes time for everything, for relationships with anyone, whether you have words or not. And that's what's important to put out there.

Hope For Parents And Where To Follow

James Guttman 10:03

So I want to jump on here. I wanted to tell you guys that. Uh, I want to focus on that. That was the blog this week. Uh, if you get a chance, check it out. Hiblogomdad.com. Been there for close to 10 years. Well, a big party in February, a big groundhog day party. But it's uh, yeah, it's happy. I'm reflective, man. You guys can hear it in my voice. I've been reflective these last few weeks, kind of looking back on just how much has changed. My kids are graduating, my son's got a mustache, it's nuts. So yeah, thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for learning with me, and thank you for being a part of everything we've done. I appreciate it. Follow me on social media. You see the pictures yourself. Hi, James Gutman, uh, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, um, I don't know, threads, all this other stuff. Uh, hiblogomdad.com. Every Monday, new blogs. Highpodomdad.com. You hear this every Friday. And of course, I have a book. Don't promote it that much. Hi World I'm Dad. You can buy that everywhere. It's on digital audiobook, it's print book, it's there's a book version, whatever it may be, you can grab it. And that does it for me. I'll be back next Friday with a brand new podcast. Join me on Monday for the blog. Till then, James Gutman. Byepod. I'm Dad.