May Ends And Time Speeds Up

James Guttman 0:00

It's the journey made with Pod. Hi, Pod, I'm dead. Hi, Pod. It's James Gutman. Welcome back to another edition of the show. It is Friday. It is uh the end of May. It's gonna be no more May. And uh yeah, we're heading into June. It is the end of the year.

My Daughter Turns 18

James Guttman 0:18

My kid is graduating from high school. My daughter just turned 18, which is nuts. Like, absolutely crazy. And I'm processing this, right? Like I'm processing. My baby girl is technically an adult, and it blows my mind. I remember her being born like it was yesterday, like seriously. And I tell her this story. I'm gonna tell you

The Newborn Thinker Moment

James Guttman 0:40

guys this story. Don't tell her I told this story. I don't know what embarrasses kids anymore. But I'll always remember I was there and she was born and she came out, and you know, babies cry immediately, and she was crying immediately, then all of a sudden the crying just stopped. And I was like, oh my god, what the hell? What the hell? And I turn around and she was laying there and she had her hand bent like the thinker under her chin, and she was just laying there gazing across the room, like as if, like, hmm, here I am. It was the strangest thing. And I took a picture of it, and maybe at some point you guys can see it. I'll have to probably get some permission for it, we'll figure it out. But true story, crazy. But I remember that, right? That was yesterday. That happened yesterday when my my adult baby was a baby baby.

Lucas Is 15 And Still Feels Small

James Guttman 1:30

And by the same token, that's what happens with Lucas, who you probably hear in the background. My son, he's 15, he's nonverbal, he has autism, and because of that, we tend to forget that he's a 15-year-old boy. You know, a lot of the things that he does and he loves and he, you know, does around the house are things that he's always done, whether it's playing with certain toys, his his jack in the box he loves, he loves his CNSA, he loves uh leapfrog books. I just bought him a new leapfrog thing today. Every time I see one, I'm like, get it? His little piano, and the same, you know, scout pops up. Hi, Lucas. And I don't know. He likes them. So we get them. And because of that, because so many of the books that we read and the songs that we sing and the shows that we watch have remained the same since like 2012, 2013, it um it clouds the fact that he's 15. And I've talked about this before. I've talked about it in a negative light. And although this blog that I wrote on Monday is worded that way in terms of the headline, it's not that negative. And it was my nonverbal son is aging out of childhood, and it terrifies me. Um, that was the most honest I could really be, but I think terrify in the sense that I was using it here isn't necessarily terrified because it's insurmountable. I don't like the unknown. I don't think any of us do. And this is the theme, and this is what I wanted to talk about today that I didn't explore as much in the blog itself. Although read it, tell me what you think. Um my son is getting older, and when your child is three, eighteen is 15 years away. But when your child is 15, 18 is three years away. So as we get closer to that moment, a lot of the what ifs that I had for him when he was two and three years old are kind of gone, right? Like when he's three years old, I'm like, well, what if by the time he's 18, he can do this, he could do that. Come here, buddy. Some things start to come into light when you're 15. Say something, say hello. No? You're just making a all right. I'm not getting up yet. Just wait, just wait. Just wait. He wants to eat. I'm not feeding him yet. Uh it's not even, it's not even close to before you listen to that and you don't all feed him. It's not even like close to the right time for a meal, so forget it. Uh just record, just recording it. Just we'll finish this out. Um, but yeah, he's getting older, and you think about that, and it's it's a scary thought,

The Fear Of Adulthood Reframed

James Guttman 3:52

right? But here's the thing that gives me solace. When I worry about what's gonna happen to my nonverbal son with autism as he gets older and he ages out of childhood, I think to myself, there was once a time where I feared, right now, what am I gonna do when my nonverbal three-year-old is a teenager? And that time period seemed terrifying. I couldn't imagine it, I didn't want to imagine it, I didn't know how we would survive it. And guess what? We're here. He's a teenager right now, and that thing that I feared came to pass with a lot of the milestones still missed, and yet still we're happy, and he's happy, and life goes on, and that's why, no matter how terrifying it is to imagine adulthood for my son, we'll be happy then too. We have been up until now, like everything is worked out, and I think it's definitely it's because of I don't know, I have a positive attitude about a lot of things, especially as it relates to my family. I want my kids to be happy. Uh, if something happens where I feel they're not, I will point out the reasons they should be. There's a lot of things that we're lucky about, you know? And I mean that for real. Like I know luck and being fortunate are different things. Like I've worked really hard for the things that I have, and I teach my daughter that, you know, you work really hard, you do what you do, but we're lucky. We're lucky

A Heart Surgery That Changed My Lens

James Guttman 5:20

to be here right now. We're lucky to be alive, right? I went through a life-changing thing in 2012. When I had a quintuple bypass, it was out of nowhere. I had no time to think about it, no time to Google it. All I knew is that I was pretty sure that I was either going to die or I had already died. Swear to God, man. I'm in the waiting room to get ready for the surgery. No one's there, no one had enough time to come visit me at the hospital. And I'm thinking, I'm dead, right? Like, if this was a movie, this would be the scene where I'm, and I do this a lot, and this is I'll take you guys behind the curtain of my weird thinking and my weird life. Um, there are aspects of my life where sometimes I'll turn around and be like, if this was a movie, right? At the hospital, people would be like, Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, let me get this straight. So it's stupid, right? He died, right? And during the surgery, is that why his life because his life changed right after that? All of a sudden, you know, he's positive and he's happy, he's up to the sun. It's the dumbest twist. Like he was dead the whole time, right? And I felt that way. I felt like I died. Um, and because of that, honestly, like, and I know it's it's uh, you know, what I'm saying is is you know, joking and things like that, but I look at the world very differently. I look at it like there's really no sense in being miserable over what you have. It's not gonna change. Nobody's gonna be like, oh, I'm sorry. Are you miserable? Let me give you new stuff, new life, new everything. No, you play the cards you have, and guess what? Everybody's got positives in their life, there's positives in my life that people outside of my life look at and can't fathom it. How is he happy? How is he accepting this? I've talked about the fact that I write a blog talking about the positive side of raising my son, and a lot of assumptions from people is that he's quote

Loving The Child You Have

James Guttman 7:05

unquote high functioning. And I will have people send me emails, be like, yeah, you might not want to care for your son, but some parents have to deal with this. And then they give me a laundry list of terrible things, and I'm like, I deal with every single thing you put on that list. Like, I love my son not for what he can do, not for what level of care he needs, but for him, for who he is, for the loving person that he is, for the fact that whatever lessons I've tried to teach him that he can understand, he has. And he's done that for me, and he's done that because we have a bond, and he's yeah, I mean, he's like the top like two people in my life. Like, he's one of the two. He's unbelievable. And I'm so lucky to have him, so lucky to have his sister, and every day I wake up feeling lucky. Is it work? Yeah, it's work for both of them, and that's the irony. Like, people hear that you have a special needs kid, and they're first, oh, I'm sorry, it must be so much work. Yeah, you know what? His sister is freaking work too, and she's verbal, Abdawazi. I in many ways, and there were time periods in their lives where Olivia required more work on my part, whether it was driving her places or picking her up, when her social calendar exploded before she had her driver's license. You become dad's taxi service. And trust me, if you don't know, talk to other parents out there, how many of them at that age, 13, 14, 15, are like, I'm just waiting for her to text me at 11. I'm falling asleep on the couch, praying that I don't fall asleep and miss the pickup of wherever the hell she is. It's hard. Life is hard. And you're lucky to have people in your life who make you feel special. And Lucas makes me feel special. Lucas is a great kid. And that's why I could write a blog like this on Monday, and it makes sense because it does terrify me, and it terrifies me because he means so much to me. And I know that he is putting his you know faith and everything's in my hands for another human being. That's a lot to deal with, and that's a lot of responsibility to have. So these parents who have to deal with it, like even if you have a hundred percent positive outlook on what's coming up, and oh, we'll be okay, there's still that fear and that idea that like it's on me. I need to make the right choices for him because I love him. And that's why it terrifies me. But like I said before, it doesn't have to terrify me. Because I am in the worst case scenario in many ways that I envisioned when he was two. And I'd be like, Well, what would happen if he was 15 and he couldn't speak and he couldn't do this and he couldn't do that? But that would be the end of it. It would be the end of the world. And here we are, 15. Doesn't speak, doesn't do this, doesn't do that. But he is amazing and he's such a good part of my life. And I get to tell you guys about

Seeing Beauty In His World

James Guttman 9:55

it. I get to write these stories and share them with you in a way that I don't know, celebrates him as a human being. Doesn't talk about his deficits, doesn't talk necessarily about like all the things he'll never do. It talks about what he is doing, who he is, and why everybody matters. My son matters. Everyone's got a story, everyone's got beauty in their lives. Some are not as easy to see as Lucas is, to be honest with you. I think it's beautiful. Watching him play with a toy in a way that I wouldn't even envision is beautiful. Watching him find a glare in a mirror and examining it and thinking, I didn't even see that. And that's something he not only sees, but he studies. To see the world through the filter he does blows me away. And I don't know, I like watching him and I like learning from him. Buddy, come here, come here, come here. Talking about I love learning from you. We're gonna go. Do you want to go eat? Yeah, can you all right? We're gonna go. I'm gonna go make him something. It's still, by the way, it is still not even close to a meal time, but I'm gonna

Where To Read And Follow

James Guttman 10:55

do it anyway. You know why? Why, buddy? Because I'm a sucker. So that does it for me. Do me a favor. Hi, blog on dad. I'm back on Mondays. Every Monday, there's a new blog. Hi pod on dad. Every Friday. You can get that on highpodomdad.com. Any streaming service. I'm on social media. Hi, James Gutman, H I James Gutman, uh, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, you name it, woof, woof, woof, find me. Thank you. Until next time. This is James Gutman saying, Be well. Byepod. I'm dad. Let's go, buddy.