Speaker 1: 0:14

Hi Pod, I am Dad. He's not just Hi Dad, he's my dad. James Gutman, just hi dad, he's my dad. James gutman, folks, james gutman, it's high pot, I'm dad. Welcome back to another edition of the podcast. It is friday, it is july the 18th. It is one day shy of a great day. It is 2025.

Speaker 1: 0:40

Thank you so much for taking the time to check us out whether Whether you found me on Audible, spotify, anywhere they put podcasts. I'm there HiPodOnDadcom all the archives. You can see me on YouTube at HiBlogOnDad. That's our channel. All the shows are going out there, as well, as you know, videos and things that I have available. So thank you for the support. Thank you for checking out HiWorldOnDad, my new book. It is available digital audio print anywhere you can get books. You can get that book. If you get it, do me a favor, leave a review, tell people about it. It means a lot.

Speaker 1: 1:12

And, of course, the blog highblogomdadcom, going since February of 2017, you guys have watched my kids grow up in front of you, as I've shared stories and you you know my son was five, my daughter was eight and now you know they're like 85 years old each. So it's pretty, it's pretty shocking when you do it and I got to tell you, when I talk about things changing and the changes that have happened in life this week, we're, you know, two examples of that in the blog, where I talk about subjects that I mean it's insane to think of how much has happened since I started this blog. The first one on Monday I wrote about my divorce, which I don't talk too much about. People didn't know if I was married. I've seen that question before. People have asked me about it. I actually got divorced during my time writing this blog. When I started writing it, I was still married for a few years actually. My separation was in 2019. My divorce was in 2020.

Speaker 1: 2:09

And I got to tell you, man, writing this blog and getting a chance to share stories about Lucas and share stories about myself and things that I've noticed, that helped me out a lot. I think it was a good distraction. It kind of, you know, gates you through some hard times. We all go through some hard stuff. So you know, whenever I talk in here about how you guys have helped me out and how it's been, you know, cathartic and just helpful to be able to share my stories and take my mind off of things that maybe sometimes weren't so great. I meant it. So thank you, it meant a lot to me. It's been helpful and I do urge anyone and I talked about this a few weeks ago, on 4th of July, where I said if you're at a barbecue, let people ask you questions. Sometimes it's helpful to talk, to tell stories, to explain things to people, to tell them you know where you're coming from. Get it out.

Speaker 1: 3:03

When I began this blog, I had stories in my head, lived in my head, things that bothered me, and even in this book man I talked about you know the Music Together story. You know, if you've read High World, I'm Bad. You know what I'm talking about. I brought Lucas to Music Together class right as he was being diagnosed, and it was hell on earth. It was like really coming to grips with a lot of like realities and learning things about who he was in real time in front of people, in front of people watching me in a circle. It was a circle and they're all kind of like watching and I'm like, oh my God, and those stories lived in my head and they killed me. I didn't have anyone to tell I would try to tell people stories in real life. I'd be like, hey, let me tell you something about Lucas. And you couldn't get halfway through before they'd be like, oh, that's a hard story, that's a sad story. I'm like, no, it's not, can I just finish it please? And when I first started getting to write the blog, I was so excited because I could tell the entire story and get it out and no one could stop me. You know, by the end of it I was just done. I got it out. And a funny thing happened is once I would tell some of these stories, they'd be out of my head and I wouldn't think about them as much. I mean, I'm talking, I went over things over and over and he did this and this happened and that happened. And once you take that narrative and you're writing it down and you're not just telling it to invisible people in the shower, it helps. So I got a chance to do that.

Speaker 1: 4:21

So, yeah, writing about my divorce and getting to address the fact that people do ask, you know, did having, you know, a son with special needs did that affect your marriage? Like, affect, yeah, cause a divorce? No, it didn't cause a divorce. It was. You know, it was a challenge and it's something that some couples get through and some don't, and unfortunately we didn't get through it. But and it's something that some couples get through and some don't, and unfortunately we didn't get through it, but there's some people who will but no way was it the thing that made it happen and no way was it something that, you know, no one had any idea about until, you know, lucas showed up. No, there were red flags and triggers and things to worry about. But just having a child, you know that might be a challenge is no different than any challenge, whether it was a financial issue, whether it was, you know, a sick relative or anything.

Speaker 1: 5:11

Once you find out you're not on the same page, you're not in sync, it changes some of your future aspirations and that's kind of what happens. So I got a chance to write about that on Monday. But that's a big example. That's something that was a huge difference from when I first began writing this blog until now. The one on Wednesday, which is about grieving, that one was. That's a big example of something that not only has changed through the years, but something that I feel very strongly about having to write about. So I wrote about grieving for my son's future that I may have imagined, prior to him, having autism or being diagnosed with autism, and it's weird because I don't.

Speaker 1: 5:58

It's hard to remember life before Lucas. It's hard to remember life before kids in general, but Lucas especially, because I feel like through the years I've learned what autism is, I've learned to accept, I've learned to appreciate it. I've learned what autism is. I've learned to accept, I've learned to appreciate it. I can't remember a time where I wasn't appreciative and accepting of it at all. I knew it existed. I remember it. It coincided a lot with my quintuple bypass, which, again, I can't remember life before that. I don't remember eating meat and not caring and smoking or whatever, all these things that I don't even come close to doing anymore, all gone. And then I remembered a story and I wrote about prior to Lucas being born, trying to decide what his name was going to be, and I love this story and the story kind of like takes me back a little bit because I remember it specifically. I remember talking about it, I remember all the things that we did with it and I know for a fact that it was before Lucas. So it's a memory of a time before him where I distinctly remember dealing with the idea of having a son and the story that I told in the blog, and I'll tell you guys here.

Speaker 1: 7:05

I wanted Lucas's name, his middle name, to be charming. I thought it would be great, I thought it was cute, I thought it was a smart idea. Why, you ask? Well, here was my argument. Here's what I said. If I make Lucas's middle name Charming one day when he's at a bar talking to a girl and he goes to her and he goes hey, baby, my middle name is Charming. And he goes hey, baby, my middle name is Charming. And then she goes, because we're on Long Island, she goes get the hell out of here, your name's not Charming. And he goes yeah, baby, watch this. Boom, he takes out his license, he holds it up. It says Charming, everyone loves him. They clap, he gets all the ladies Go Lucas.

Speaker 1: 7:48

Of course, this was before Lucas had autism. This was before Lucas was born. This is before I figured he might not talk to a girl at a bar and this is before I figured he might not drive. This was a different person in my imagination than he ended up becoming, and I think about that and I realized then but just remembering the story that there was a time where I pictured a different person.

Speaker 1: 8:16

So, finding out that Lucas had autism, realizing that he might be nonverbal which he is now today I had to let go of this. You know, I mean kind of a scumbag at the bar going hey, baby, I'm charming. And man, I said it as a joke, don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here going. I wish he was a douchebag. But when he's a baby man, when you're a dad and you're going to have a son, you think of things like that. You're like one day I'm going to get the ladies. You're going to be like, hey, lady and Um. And Lucas doesn't like that. Lucas doesn't try to get the lady, lucas gets the ladies. Man, he gets ladies because he's adorable and people, oh, he's so cute, um. But now Lucas doesn't, uh, he's, he's not in the players club, so to speak. He doesn't go out there and try to, you know, try to talk them back to his his crib, as they say.

Speaker 1: 9:06

But that was a different person. That's somebody that I had to let go of, somebody that I envisioned being in my life one day. The boy that I got and the man he'll become is one of the best people in the world. Lucas is sweet and kind and, for all of his challenges and there are challenges Lucas has pronounced needs. I talked about that in the divorce article. It's something that I think it's brushed under the rug. People go oh, you're so positive about your son, you know. But what about parents who have kids who have higher needs than him? I don't know. Man, it's not. Lucas has some pretty substantial needs. Like there's kids, obviously we have more going on than him. There's some that have less going on than him, but for the most part, lucas is considered low functioning, severe. So the person that he is is the person that I love. I love who he is. I don't regret who he didn't become, but I had to get to know who he is and that was the whole idea of grieving Like there was no sense of like.

Speaker 1: 10:06

You know, when I found out he had autism, nobody came to me with a checklist and said this is who your kid's going to be, and then I was sad oh my God, I don't want this kid. It wasn't like that, it was more like they come to you and they go. He has autism, I go. Well, he has autism, I go. What does that mean? They go? I don't know. I go well, but will he hug me? Some kids hug, I don't know. Will he talk? Maybe Talk to him. Nobody tells you anything. It's the worst when you first hear the word autism. Nobody helps you understand what it means, because nobody knows what it's going to mean for you. So they just go.

Speaker 1: 10:36

Hmm, so I wasn't grieving because I didn't want him. I was grieving what I didn't know, because no one can tell me an answer. All I knew was it's not going to be this, he's not going to be at a bar going, hey, baby charming. That's not happening. So I just had to let go of certain things and a lot of parents in my position, you let go of certain things. You're not necessarily grieving that this is your kid. You're grieving this idea of a kid that, like you know all these things, you're being told, well, that probably not going to be that, probably not going to be that. Well, what is it going to be? Well, we don't know, but probably not that.

Speaker 1: 11:10

And it's important for me to to express that to you guys, cause I feel like being somebody who writes about autism positivity, being a father who appreciates his son because of his autism, it would be easy for me to pretend like it's always been like that, like I've always. I've always known, you didn't know, you don't know about your kid. My kid's great Life is what it is. It's about learning. It's about you know, finding out who these people in your life are. And I had to take time to find out who Lucas was, and once I did, I was so happy with him. But it's important now for me to go back in time and be honest with you, be honest with myself about my fears and my worries, because if I'm not, then what good is that? What good is this blog, what good is speaking to you if I'm not going to be as honest as possible? So that's how honest I can be. So I was really glad that I got a chance to write it. I get a chance to kind of go back in time, remember this moment.

Speaker 1: 12:08

I hadn't thought about the charming thing in a while. I thought about that recently. I think I was watching. I used to love Sons of Anarchy. A lot of it came from Sons of Anarchy. The town is called Charming. So I think I it.

Speaker 1: 12:15

I shared it with you guys and hopefully, if you read that, if you're a parent, you're struggling right now. Maybe you're going through an early diagnosis. Maybe something's happening in your life where you're trying to come to grips with the future. Maybe you could read about some of what I went through. You can know where I'm at now and I don't know. Maybe there's some hope. There's good stuff all around the corner. If you have a kid, honestly, who's even half as cool as my kid, you will be a very lucky parent. Lucas is the best, my daughter is the best, we're the best, everything's the best. You guys are the best, and what makes you the best? You came to HiPod on Dad. I appreciate you checking out the podcast.

Speaker 1: 12:57

I'll be back next Friday with a brand new podcast and do me a favor, follow me. Social media HiJamesGutman H-I James Gutman. I am on Instagram. I'm on Facebook. I am on TikTok. I'm on threads. I'm on all these things. Follow us there. Hiblogi'mdad on YouTube. You can watch this podcast. Be back here every single Friday. Hipinei'mdadcom, twice a week, monday, Wednesday, hiblogi'mdadcom. And, of course, the book Hi World I'm Dad, available wherever you get books. Get the book and you'll love it. So do me a favor, check it out. Drop me a line. Let me know what you think about it Until next time. This is James Gutman saying. Be well, bye-bye, I'm out.