Hi Pod! I'm Dad.

What My Non-Verbal Son Taught Me About Love, Toys, and Letting Go

James Guttman

Watch This Episode on YouTube - https://youtu.be/ad4q7DE2SlE

James Guttman shares a deeply personal look at the evolution of his parenting journey with Lucas, his 14-year-old son with severe autism. From the emotional tug-of-war over age-appropriate toys to unexpected moments of connection in thrift stores and living rooms, James explores how he learned to stop correcting his son’s play and instead joined him in it.

This episode dives into the beauty of authenticity, the pressure of societal expectations, and the unspoken bond between a father and son. James opens up about dignity, boundaries, and why he now lets Lucas lead the way, because loving a child sometimes means letting go of what the world tells you is “right.”

It’s not just a parenting story. It’s a story about unconditional love, acceptance, and finding peace in unexpected places.

It's Here! Get the book – “Hi World, I’m Dad: How Fathers Can Journey to Autism Awareness, Acceptance, and Appreciation” on audio, digital, or print.

Follow Us On Facebook and YouTube. Follow James Guttman on Instagram.

Also, be sure to read the blog that started it all - Hi Blog! I'm Dad.

James Guttman:

Hi Pod, I am Dad. He's not just Hi Dad, he's my dad, james Gutman. Folks, it's james gutman. High pod, I'm dad. It is friday. Come here, bud. It is friday is the 4th of july, it is 2025.

James Guttman:

Thank you so much for checking us out. Uh, whether you found me on spotify audible iheart radio. Uh, lucas and I are all over those. Uh, that's where the podcast is available. It's also on HiPodI'mDadcom. All the archives are there as well, and perhaps you're seeing me. If you are, how are you? You are, then, on YouTube. That's what that means. You're on YouTube at our channel, hiblogi'mdad. He threw me off with that sometimes when he comes in. I love this kid. So, yeah, if you see me, that's where it is Do me a favor like subscribe, hit the bell, do all that stuff you're supposed to do on YouTube. We're fairly new there.

James Guttman:

This is our third week putting videos up of the podcast and various other videos too, speaking events and things that I've done in the past, and I got to tell you it's really important. I think, kind of doing some of these video updates, letting you guys get a chance to see my son, see who he is. I think it's a big part of our story and I never really thought about it. I had a friend suggest doing these videos a few weeks ago. I haven't regretted it. In fact, I think it's been a game changer a lot, because I want people to see who we are, who my son is, understand who he is and kind of get the idea that you don't have to have things easy necessarily in order to see the positivity in it. You know, my son has severe autism. He's nonverbal, he's 14. But the work that I have to do for him and the things that it requires in order to keep him healthy and happy are worth it, because he is just like a ray of sunshine in my life, just like his sister is. His sister is neurotypical, she's 17. And the bond that I have with both of them is unique, but at the same time it's everything to me. It's everything to me. So this has been a great opportunity to kind of show people who he is and explain who he is and show our family to everybody. So thank you for allowing me to do that as well.

James Guttman:

And finally, highblogomdadcom. That has our blogs Monday, wednesday. High World on Dad, available everywhere audiobook, digital, written. There's a lot of stuff to mention, so thank you. Thank you for checking it out. Thank you for your feedback.

James Guttman:

If you do have High World on Dad, do me a favor, leave your feedback. If you do have High World on Dad, do me a favor, leave a review. You can go on Amazon. You can go. I know they do reviews everywhere. It's weird. Spotify has you put stars on there for the audio book. Different audio book sites allow you to write it as well.

James Guttman:

So, yeah, it means a lot and it helps. It helps people discover what we're doing. It helps get a chance to share our story and that's what I've been trying to do and, as a lot of you know, a big part of what I do is about honesty. You know, I don't want to misrepresent anything. I don't want to pretend things are a certain way. I never want to pretend like this has always been easy for me. I don't want to pretend like there's no struggles involved with having a child like mine. There are there's struggles with having a child like mine. There are there's struggles with having any child. I have two kids my daughter's, neurotypical, and there are struggles with raising a neurotypical 17-year-old girl. There's definite struggles with raising a neurotypical 17-year-old girl, but I think any parent listening to this knows that that it's not easy, and I think sometimes we lose sight of that. And just because we talk about things in a positive way, just because we see the beauty in life, doesn't mean there isn't a reality to it, and I've always tried to present that reality. And the reality is that it took me a while to get to where I am. It took me a while to to where I am. It took me a while to appreciate that my son's autism makes him special, makes him unique, makes him a beautiful person.

James Guttman:

Lucas is unlike anybody and I've said this over and over again. I've given you all the reasons for it, but it's really until you really see it like in practice, having him come over and really not get like look, see this, come here, look, come here. This is a video that he has seen 8,000 times. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Three bags full right. Come here, bud. And he's so happy over this video and it's one of those things that fills me with happiness. I love you, buddy, and come on, come on, if you're watching this on YouTube. He just hugged my head and gave me a kiss Get out of here, he's 14. That's a beautiful thing and that's a big part of how autism affects him. Now, if he was 14 and he was neurotypical, would he still be grabbing me and kissing me and, you know, showing me love and affection.

James Guttman:

You know, perhaps maybe it all depends on kind of who he is, but it's not lost on me that perhaps being nonverbal, perhaps having to express himself in different ways, perhaps not getting caught up in all of our nonsense in the world where we're out there and we're talking smack about each other or we're trying to get over on people, lucas doesn't manipulate at all. Lucas doesn't want to manipulate. Lucas doesn't try to make you feel bad about yourself to get what he wants. Lucas doesn't want to manipulate. Lucas doesn't try to make you feel bad about yourself to get what he wants. Lucas doesn't try to you know, finagle anything If anything. He's kind of out in the open about it. Like if Lucas wants a snack and you tell him no snack and he really wants that snack, he's just going to grab the snack. But he doesn't like set up intricate plans and he doesn't think like that.

James Guttman:

And it's funny because when I talk about autism appreciation, a lot of people they hear that and they go oh, that's great, but I don't think you fully appreciate what it's like until you're in a situation where you're around people who are acting that way or people who are treating you a certain way, and then you have this kid with his unconditional love waiting for you and I'm just like. There are some days, man, where Lucas just keeps me going. You know where he's, the, he's the guy, he's the person that just makes me feel important, special and needed and wanted. That took a while and there was a long while, and I've written all these different things, especially if you go back through the blog, if you go into this book. By the way, I could talk about this book more. Hi, world, I'm Dad and I bring it up because I could tell you guys to go through this blog and go back you know, at this point, eight years and read about our journey and you'll see how things have changed when he was little and the things I wrote about.

James Guttman:

But the thing with this book is that I cover everything in the book. Through it you're going to read about today. You're going to read about some of the early days and some of the stories that you know affected me as a parent, and there are and were big stories, man. There's things that I don't even talk about anymore, that if you go back on the blog because they're from years ago, but I know people deal with it. For example, today I know there's people listening to this that have you know, young children maybe just diagnosed and there are struggles that they face that I faced at one time that I don't really face anymore.

James Guttman:

One of them and I thought about it today was age-appropriate gifts and toys and the things that he does. My and my son doesn't really play with toys the way you would expect, right? So it's not like you can't give him a car and he doesn't do vroom, vroom and he might spin the wheel, he might watch its reflection, he might listen for a sound that it makes. There's different ways that he plays with different things and it's always kind of been like that and I tell that you know I say famous story and how famous it is, but in terms of this blog it's pretty famous of the first day that I entered his world by trying to play with him, not as I told him we should play with his toy, but playing with it the way he was, by pulling the toy, bringing it out from underneath the red chair in my living room. I think back on that man, that was an amazing day. He had been always playing with this toy in a way that I had tried to correct. No, lucas, that's not how you play with it. You don't stare in the mirror. And rather than doing that, I sat with him and I did it the way he was doing it and he gave me a hug, much like you saw before, and since that day I felt like a better connection to him. But that was a lot of his toys are like that. You know he's not necessarily, you know, playing Play-Doh or stacking things up. It's not. It's not in the way that's considered appropriate. And because of that, a lot of the toys that he's enjoyed through the years are not necessarily the toys that you would expect a 14 year old to want to enjoy and like, for example, leapfrog toys. He loves those remote control little. You know leapfrog toys. He loves those remote control little leapfrog devices. We have them in the car.

James Guttman:

When he was little it would be almost like baby toys and it was so hard for me as a dad because I went through this struggle of do I encourage this? Do I buy him infant toys for Christmas. Do I buy him these? I mean infant toys, I'm talking little cars that went with little eyes open up For babies, a lot of the things that you buy. Them all involve kind of that flashy, surprising like, oh, the wheels move and then the eyes open and close, those kind of toys. And he liked it, but he had outgrown it physically, chronologically, grown it physically, you know, chronologically.

James Guttman:

So I struggled and there were times, definitely when he was younger, where you would go out and try to buy him things that seemed more appropriate, like he liked the Wiggles. So I bought him Wiggles action figures, didn't care, it was like nothing. Bought him a Wiggles toy guitar, didn't care, didn't want the Wiggles toy guitar. But when it comes to like Sense CNC, like the one you know, the farmer says I don't think the farmer's on there yet the cow says moo. He loved those and I bought those for him, long past the date that most parents would be buying their kids CNCs. And it was a struggle I remember was working. This was years and years ago.

James Guttman:

He was little, he was like four years old, five years old, and I was at a thrift store and they had like a baby toy. It was like one of those little infant toys that had a bell on it and stuff. So I'm walking around this thrift store and I'm the only one in this thrift store and to this day I shouldn't have gone into the thrift store. It was not a chain of thrift stores, it was kind of like a mom and pop churchy thrift store. And I went over and I picked up this toy and I'm walking around looking for other stuff to get for him and I guess this woman figured she was going to do a hard sell, which I hate. I hate aggressive salespeople. That's why I never go to gadgets and gizmos and I don't like being chased around. I don't like being sold things, especially if I'm already buying something anyway.

James Guttman:

And I'm walking around with this toy and I'm looking around and I hear this woman in the background. She goes how old's the baby? And I'm like, oh my God, I just keep walking and now she's picking up baby toys and following me behind how old's the baby? I'm like, oh my god. And she wouldn't stop and I'm trying to like ignore her. Do the, do the? Oh, I didn't hear your thing, um, and I remember just being like so frustrated and, to be honest with you. I don't remember if I told her, you know, that he had autism and he wasn't a baby. I forgot what I said, but I remember feeling in that moment so frustrated, like, just leave me alone. Like and it's one of those things now to think back on it she didn't know. I mean, granted, look, don't leave me alone while I'm shopping. So it wasn't nefarious, she wasn't doing it to like, be mean or to upset me, but it upset me. It was something that I was struggling with at the time.

James Guttman:

There's nothing worse, when you're worried about your child having a probable disability, then turn around and buy them a toy for Christmas that literally has an infant on the box. And I remember I wrote about this when the blog first came out and I said that I wanted to punch the baby on the box. And I said I say you don't read too many autism parenting blogs that involve wanting to punch an infant in the face. But here we are. What are you going to do about it? But that was a struggle and that's something that we had to get past.

James Guttman:

Now, what do I do today? Well, today, he gets whatever he wants. Lucas wants a toy. He gets a toy. Lucas likes something, he gets it. I let him pick it out. We'll go to the store. I go. What do you want? Sometimes he picks it, sometimes he doesn't. I know what he likes and a lot of his presents at this point are dupes. They're duplicates. That's always been kind of the best way to go about it. You know, I try to find at holidays and birthdays something new that he might like. I don't go to the autism friendly toys anymore. I've thrown out more or given away I should say more, than you know you would imagine weighted blankets and this little stretchy suit that he wore. He looked like a starfish. It was cute.

James Guttman:

All these things that kids with autism love. My kid doesn't necessarily love it. He doesn't love squishies. He doesn't love fidget spinners. He doesn't like any of that stuff. He likes what he likes. He likes electronics. He likes his iPad. He likes things like that. So when the holidays come around, he'll get a new device or he'll get a new leapfrog toy or something like that, something that makes noise, something that he might enjoy, and a lot of the times too.

James Guttman:

I don't even know if he likes it at first, because he doesn't really react when he first gets it, unless it's something he knows really well a new iPad or something like that he doesn't really jump for joy over it. It takes him a little while to understand it. I'll give it to him. He'll kind of ignore it and you're like, oh, he doesn't like it. And then, like two days later, I hear him playing with it in his room and then we have a big party about it.

James Guttman:

But other people don't get it either. Man, I've had family and friends. They buy him presents and they want to see him open it and I'm like you're going to be disappointed, I don't know. They'll sit there and they'll stare at him like, and he'll open it, we'll force him to open it. It's like hand over hand, he tries to run away. I'm like, no, open, open, open. And then he just looks at them and he goes. I say thank you and I'll tap him and leave. Um, and some people don't get it and for the most part, people are cool about it and I've had people be really cool about it. Oh, I get it, I hope he likes it.

James Guttman:

But then you have people that just don't get it and I wrote about that this week on highblogomdadcom the struggle of family and friends who might just not understand your kid and it's 4th of July, so you might be at a barbecue right now. You might be at a barbecue right now. You might be around family, you might be trying to explain things to people who don't really seem to get it, so hopefully you can show them maybe that blog or this podcast and hopefully they'll understand a little bit better. And I find that for the most part, people do Once you give them the opportunity to ask the questions they want to ask, once you give them the opportunity to know your kid better, because some people are afraid to ask anything. I've had people come to me and they're like I don't want to offend you, but can I ask? And then they will ask the least offensive question ever.

James Guttman:

And I think how many people are holding back questions about Lucas that I'm willing to answer? Look, I want to tell you about my kid. Most times I want to talk about him, I want to tell you stories, I want to explain who he is. It's not a taboo subject, you know I I have answers. In fact, the only time I ever felt like Lucas was a taboo subject was when he was tiny and he was being diagnosed and I didn't know the answers.

James Guttman:

Does he like school? Does he like his friend? I don't know if he likes school. I don't know if he likes his friend. Does he know it's his birthday? I hated that one. Does he know it's his birthday? I'm like does he know it's his birthday? I hated that one. Does he know it's his birthday? I'm like does he know it's his birthday? I don't know.

James Guttman:

Maybe, and as a young parent, there's nothing that makes you feel worse than not being able to answer questions like that. And that was tough early on, but now my kid is 14. I love my kid. I know him so well. I want to answer questions about him. So for anybody out there who's got a question, I always tell them come to me If it comes from a place of kindness and genuine curiosity. If you want to get to know my son, I will. It's an open book man. I'm literally open book. That was cute. It's literally an open book. I want to share him. I want to tell you who he is. I want to explain who he is, and getting a chance to do that means a lot.

James Guttman:

I just needed to allow people to ask me those questions. I needed to make sure that they understood that it was safe for them to ask me those questions and ask me whatever they had. And I'll tell you this I've never really had any offensive questions from anybody. But even at that point, if somebody would ask a question, that might be offensive if they're saying it in a way where they want to learn about him, if they're saying it in a way where they want to learn about him and they're saying it out of a genuine place of I don't want to say curiosity, but a place where they want to get to know my boy. You can ask anything. You can ask anything when it comes to the blog and publicly on the podcast and things like that. People ask me questions.

James Guttman:

There's certain things I don't talk about publicly. You may have, uh, in the blog I don't talk about. You know some of the more personal things. He's a 14 year old boy, so you know people ask me about like um, you know his bathing and and using the bad things. I don't. I don't talk about that either way. Um, not saying yes or no, not saying he does use it. The bathroom doesn't use um. I just wouldn't want.

James Guttman:

I have a feeling even if he was neurotypical and had words, he wouldn't want. I have a feeling, even if he was neurotypical and had words, he wouldn't want me kind of talking about his life like that. And I also think it's the kind of thing where saying anything either way and I don't want to do it, even if he's doing something like that, even if he's caught up, I should say, with his milestones. In that regard, I don't want to betray his confidence and betray his trust, I should say, even if that trust is unspoken. You know, lucas doesn't understand what I do, lucas doesn't understand this podcast. Lucas doesn't understand the blog.

James Guttman:

I was asked when I went to that Jubilee video last year. I had gone to LA to film a video for Jubilee where we talked about autism. It was a panel, it was wonderful, it was one of the best experiences that I had, but on it I talked about whether or not Lucas understood what I did and I said Lucas doesn't know what autism is. Lucas doesn't understand advocacy. Lucas doesn't understand disabilities and neurotypical he doesn't. So it's up to me to think to myself if I was him, what would I be comfortable with, what would I want? And if I have any question, if there's anything that makes me feel a little like I just don't do it. I don't I don't want to, you know, give too much away about him and he's a. He's a good kid, he's a wonderful kid and I think there's plenty of things that I can talk about in terms of his development, the things that he does. That explains his story enough that it's important, and I think any any parent out there who does have a child like mine that's nonverbal maybe can't express how they feel about things like that. I think it's a it's a big responsibility to remember that it's on us to make sure we keep his privacy private in the places where it should be. So, yeah, I've been doing that for a while. It's been an experience, folks. It's been absolutely unbelievable. But, like, as I was saying, if someone were to come to me with questions personal, one-on-one, like in you know, family, friends if they had a question, I answer it. It as my kid. I want you to know about them. So, hopefully, if that's what you're doing today or this week or whenever this summer, you're surrounded by people and they want to know questions. I want to know things about your kid. Let them know that it's okay. Let them know that they can ask and share. Just share and do me a favor. Look, pick up High World.

James Guttman:

I'm Dad and one of the things that I love the most about writing this book and this isn't just a sales pitch this is a big deal. For me, this isn't a book. This isn't just simply like a story that I put out there. For me, this is it's gonna be a movement, a major thing. This is something that it's a positive approach to a subject that I feel sometimes gets mired down too much in kind of fear, tactics and misunderstandings.

James Guttman:

This book is for anybody out there who has a new child diagnosed with autism and is struggling with it. This is for parents like me who have a child around Lucas's age, been doing this for years. This is for a grandparent that maybe doesn't get it, an aunt, an uncle, a friend, a colleague, somebody who wants to know about the parental perspective. If you're a teacher I've had special ed teachers I've spoken to who've brought up things about reading this book there's a lot of people that could benefit from this book, but out of all of them, I think the one who hopefully will benefit the most is my son, and the world will know him, and the world will know the beautiful soul that he is, because unbelievable dude, this kid's amazing and that's the whole point and that's what we do here and that does it for me. Guys, thank you so much for checking us out here today.

James Guttman:

On highpodomdadcom highblogomdadcom Monday, wednesday new blogs every week. High World, I'm Dad, available on Amazon and everywhere. Good reads I don't even know Good reads is. It's there, it's everywhere you could find it. To follow me on social media Hi, james Gutman. That's H I, james Gutman, not you know. Come on, get with it. Why would I do that? Why would that be my name? H I, james Gutman. That's on Instagram. It's on James Gutman saying be well, bye pod, I'm out. I'll see you next time.