James Guttman: 0:14

Hi Pod, I am Dad. He's not just Hi Dad, he's my dad, james Gutman. Folks, it's James Gutman, it's high pot, I'm dad. Welcome back to another edition of the podcast. It is friday, it is april the 11th, it is 2025, the stock market and the weather both making me sick. But at this point I appreciate you guys joining me here on the show, coming back every week, whether we're on spot, spotify, audible, hipodondadcom, wherever you found it. I appreciate it, like, subscribe, bookmark, blah, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. Thank you, yeah, it's been a good week.

James Guttman: 0:52

I mean, I've been a little under the weather. I hope I sound all right. Very awful. You know the heat's on the air's on the heat's on the heat's on the air's on. You guys know what that's about. But overall, in terms of life, in terms of family, in terms of things like that, it has been great. Man, we've been all smiles over here and I really enjoyed this week getting a chance to write about Lucas and getting to write about some of the subjects about raising a boy like him that I enjoy the most and the two that I wrote about this week.

James Guttman: 1:22

On Monday for highblogomdadcom I wrote my nonverbal son is the purest reflection of my values and essentially what that was was about how most people assume, when they see that I have a nonverbal 14-year-old son, that we're different and there are differences, and they think about the things I can't do with him. You know, and that's something that is important to recognize for parents, I remember when Lucas was first diagnosed, it's something that people said to you you have to grieve. They would tell me which I don't know. Man, it makes me cringe a little bit. I don't know if that's the best word to use, but they say you have to grieve the life that you thought you were going to have with your child. And I'll be honest, man, I don't. I never really thought about it that much, and it could be the fact that I hate saying I'm a boy. I don't know if it's a boy thing, but I didn't play with a lot of dolls as a kid. I didn't diaper them, I didn't read to them, I didn't really envision fatherhood. That said, I love being a dad. That's a subject that in my book, the upcoming book High World I'm Dad. This is a cheap plug but it's definitely relevant. High World I'm Dad how Fathers Can Journey from Autism Awareness to Acceptance, to Appreciation One of the things I wrote about in that book is that I didn't have dolls, I didn't play those games. That doesn't mean that I don't love being a parent.

James Guttman: 2:39

I think one of the confusing aspects is that people think sometimes that you know it's only the moms who really, you know, care, and it's not Like there's dads like me out there. I mean, you probably know them in your life and I wish more of the world knew about that. You know, this is a part of my life. My son is someone that I made, someone that I brought to this world, someone that I took on the responsibility to raise him and show him how the world is, took on the responsibility to raise him and show him how the world is. So when he comes out and it's a little more difficult maybe to teach those things, I don't tap out, I don't run away, I don't stop doing it. This is my son. If you have a child, you take on that responsibility, no matter what it takes, to give this kid the best life I can, to show him the things that I can show him. I'm going to and I think more dads need to be not only recognized for it but held to that standard.

James Guttman: 3:36

I used to get upset when I first started writing the blog. I would write sometimes about how people would always commend me as a dad for raising Lucas and I would get somewhat I don't like to say offended. I don't really get offended by a lot of stuff, but I would think it would be a stupid statement. Is that better than offended? I don't know if that is. I really don't. I'm not like how dare you? But there's a part of me that's like get out of here with that nonsense, and that's kind of how I feel People will be like well, it's really good. I had one nurse one time tell me how great it was because some dads can't handle having a kid like mine. I'm like so they can't handle it, I go. So they leave their family. What are you saying to me? Like, are you congratulating me for not leaving my son? I don't do that. I'm not going to leave my kid. I don't think anyone should. And that's important. And I think sometimes if we put the bar too low, if we simply applaud fathers for showing up because so many of them don't like, what are we doing? And I deal with that a lot in the book, by the way.

James Guttman: 4:32

If you want an insight into what's in there. You're talking about a book that covers pretty much like eight years, of just more than eight years, because it covers his entire life, 14 years of raising him. The blog is eight years. That's why I got confused. Don't send me any emails on that. It covers his whole life and this journey of watching him grow and watching him become who he is, and I write a lot about the place of a father in that equation, how it's not. I mean, it's respected, it's respected on paper.

James Guttman: 5:03

People like to hear about dads that are involved Until you are a dad that's involved, until you're the dad going to the school meetings by yourself. And people are like, oh, I once had to call a school nurse I've talked about it in the blog, I talk about it in the book and I called up and I said, hi, I'm calling about my son. And she was, oh, okay, is Lucas's mom going to be calling in? I said no, she's not. Oh, oh, okay. Well, we like dads here too. So I was like good, I'm glad, because that's who's calling you today. His dad is calling him like, why do I have to go through that? You know I'm here. Isn't this supposed to be the whole thing. We're applauding Yay dad's here, so it's weird and that's always kind of been off-putting for me as a father.

James Guttman: 5:47

My is just to raise my son is to do everything I possibly can to give him the life that he deserves. That's what the blog's about, that's what the book's about, that's what the podcast is about. That's what my life is about. It's about doing everything I can for Lucas and it's about recognizing the fact that I was worried about things that ended up never coming to fruition. I wrote about it on Wednesday and a lot of the book Wednesday and a lot of the book deals with that fact.

James Guttman: 6:19

The thing that people don't think about when it comes to special needs parenting is that I didn't snap my fingers one day and have a 14-year-old nonverbal son. No, I had an infant and then I had a two-year-old nonverbal son and then I had a four-year-old nonverbal son and I had a six-year-old. And then I had a two-year-old nonverbal son and then I had a four-year-old nonverbal son and I had a six-year-old. So I've watched every step of the way him grow and him get bigger and him become the person he is. So that now today that he's like pretty much almost my height and you know it probably outweighs me.

James Guttman: 6:46

That didn't happen overnight. It was a slow and steady build to the point where you almost don't notice it until someone shows you an old picture. You go oh my God, look at that. I didn't see that coming and that's the thing that I love about the blog and that's the thing that I tried to work into, you know, my upcoming book. It's been the kind of journey that when you take it with him, when I walk step by step every step of the way with Lucas, it's almost unnoticeable.

James Guttman: 7:16

That's why today he'll sit on my lap and I don't think anything of it until I see a picture of it and it looks ridiculous. I look like I'm flattened. I look like in a Looney Tunes cartoon. You know, when they get steamrolled and you got to peel Daffy Duck off the ground, I'm Daffy Duck underneath my son and I don't even notice it. I'm hugging him or laughing. People go. How are you doing that? I go, I don't know. He just sits in my lap. I didn't realize. I couldn't pick him up until like a year ago when one day, I think, I tried to pick him up, I'm like, oh, he's too big for this. I still think I could, I definitely could, but I don't like to do it. But I will. I'll hold him anyway if he jumps in my lap.

James Guttman: 7:54

It's my baby, and one of the things that I love about the blog is that you guys have seen that with me. When I started writing this, he was six and now he's 14. So everything I've written about all the things that I worried about, all the things that I thought, how are we going to live another day if this doesn't happen? Right? So, like when he was like seven, I would tell myself he has to be able to speak. If he doesn't speak when he's 10, it's going to be the worst thing in the world. How am I going to live through that? And now 10 came, 11, 12, and we survive. You move on. And I learned that about life.

James Guttman: 8:30

I wrote about that on Wednesday because that's something that having Lucas not only taught me about being a dad, but taught me about anything. I don't really worry anymore about anything, because even the things that are like, oh, I can't survive if that happens, yeah, you do. You just do. You might not be happy, it might not be great, might go through some suffering or whatever, but you move on and you make the best out of it. In some cases, like with Lucas, it's actually great years old that he wouldn't be speaking at all At 14, I would be like, oh my God, you would have to like I'm in a rubber room. I wouldn't know what to do. But that's because the kid that I was picturing at 14 was some random kid who didn't speak. It wasn't Lucas. Lucas was a baby. I didn't know what a 14-year-old Lucas looked like. Now I do and I love him. He's great. It's amazing.

James Guttman: 9:27

I wrote about again Wednesday the thing. Read it on Wednesday. I keep going. Read it on. The future I dreaded is the life I love. That's what I wrote about on Wednesday. Right, and I talk about how a lot of people see the differences first. We don't watch wrestling together. He doesn't play, you know, baseball or tiddlywinks or whatever the hell kids are supposed to do. He doesn't do those things with me. But Lucas is the kindest, sweetest, most caring person. He doesn't lie, doesn't deceive. He's got a pure heart, all that stuff, all the things that I want to be. He is to the outside world. So that's why Lucas really, you know, he genuinely reflects who I am Like I wrote on Monday. My nonverbal son is a purest reflection of my values. He shows the world my values. He's a good person and I'm proud that I put him out there, just like my daughter.

James Guttman: 10:19

I told my daughter once I said, listen, I don't care. Yeah, I literally told her this like two weeks ago. I said I don't care how well you do in school, I don't care, because she does. She does amazing in school, like to the point where I'm just like who taught you how to do this? Because I was not like that. She gets amazing grades. I said I don't care if you get the best grades, I don't care if you get, like, perfect scores, get into the best colleges, I don't care if you get master's degrees and PhDs and the best jobs in the world.

James Guttman: 10:43

I said if you grow up to not be a kind and caring person, I said I won't be proud of you. That's the only thing you need to do to make me proud of you. Everything else is great. I'll be proud of you for that too, but that that's the most important thing and hopefully, thankfully both of my kids. They're not adults yet, so you can't say it, but they are kind and loving people, both of my children, and I'm so proud of them for that.

James Guttman: 11:08

And just because my son doesn't speak doesn't mean he can't be that. Just because my son has special needs doesn't mean that we're only different from one another. I have so many similarities to Lucas in some ways, more than a lot of people man. We have the same humor, we have the same kind of. I can walk by a room that he's in and kind of look at him and kind of get what he's thinking just by that. Look, you know, and that's something that, as a parent, you learn and you build and that comes over time. So, yeah, that's kind of the whole point. So hopefully, look, do me a favor, go to the blog, read the blog post this week, then go pre-order High World, I'm Dad.

James Guttman: 11:48

How fathers again, how fathers can journey from autism, awareness to acceptance, to appreciation and honestly take our journey with us, because there is a true beauty to raising a boy like mine. There's humor and there's life. It's pretty much parenting in its purest form and I appreciate the fact that you've all. Let me share that with you and tell you about it. And I promise, if you've loved this blog and you've loved the podcast. You're going to love this book because it is the embodiment of everything.

James Guttman: 12:21

It is the idea of taking a journey, step-by-step, and growing with my son, and I'm so proud. I'm proud of him, I'm proud of the book I put together and I'm proud of just everything he's done to I don't know surpass expectations, but not the expectations I thought he was supposed to surpass. It's not a checklist. Milestones don't matter. Who he is as a person matters, and he's amazing. So please join me in that. Join me here every Friday as well, join me Monday, wednesday I blog on dad and that does it for me until next week. Folks, this is James Gutman saying be well, bye pod, I'm out.